“Congratulations, Mama!!” I felt like I was in a dream as I clutched a squirming, squealing bundle to my chest. Nothing could have prepared me for that moment. The tears didn’t come immediately; I just kept holding my baby girl close and feeling almost a sense of denial that this little tiny person had come from inside of me. Those tiny little feet and ten perfect toes were the same ones that I had been feeling for the last several months. Those little hands grabbing onto me and those tiny little eyes blinking at me instantly captured my heart. In those first few precious hours, all I could do was whisper over and over, “I love you, my sweet girl, my precious Seoirse Megan!”

Mother’s Day has slipped up on me this year!! I feel like every year as a mother causes more and more things to fill my time, but I did want to capture a few thoughts that have been on my heart lately. I truly love the celebration of Mother’s Day, yet it always brings me a wide range of bittersweet emotions. Being a mother myself and working a job where I see women become mothers daily causes me to see a lot of the different sides of motherhood that I never want to take for granted.

First and foremost, Mother’s Day brings a deep sense of joy!! There’s nothing I’d rather do than be Seoirse and Baby Boy’s mama, and I thank God every single day for the privilege He has given me in being a mother. I am so blessed by the many wonderful women and mothers God has brought into my life, the first and foremost being my own mother. My mom is the most incredible role model I could ever ask for, and I am blown away by her example each day. She’s taught me so much about being a wonderful mother and what it looks like to live a life of selfless sacrifice at the deepest level.

Second, Mother’s Day brings me a renewed sense of wonder. I have the privilege of being able to witness so many women become mothers to their babies every day as a labor and delivery nurse. I love being able to be a small piece in each mother’s birth story. Getting to witness the breathless excitement of a new mother as she hears her baby cry for the very first time is a miracle that never gets old!!

At the same time, Mother’s Day does bring a sense of sadness. I think of my precious friends who don’t get to celebrate this special day with each of their babies. Those who have little ones they have never had the joy of holding close to their hearts. Those who are praying every day for the miracle of that positive pregnancy test and the first signs of new life growing inside of them. Those who have experienced the pain of rejection or estrangement from their mothers. Those who no longer have their mothers this side of Heaven. The image of a mother treated to breakfast in bed with all of her children surrounding her is beautiful, but it’s not a reality for everyone. That’s a realization I always want to be sensitive to.

The joy of motherhood is indescribable, yet it’s also a joy that is mixed with so much vulnerability. The moment I became a mother I realized that I had never felt both so incredibly empowered and at the same time so unbelievably humbled. I may have had all of Seoirse’s clothes perfectly folded and washed and organized, bottle parts sterilized, medicines and diaper creams stocked, but the moment we got home that all went out the window! The baby lying in that bassinet had a mind of her own, and we soon learned our world was about to revolve around her. This little girl WAS our world, and we adored her more than we ever thought possible. We learned to embrace the little victories (4 hours of sleep in a row became heavenly!) and overcome challenges we never would have expected. I learned I never would have it all completely put together, and that imperfection is both normal and good. It taught me to let go of the ideal of motherhood I had somehow built up and learn to grow by grace each day.

I realized very quickly that a piece of my heart was now outside of body. No matter how hard I tried to protect my baby, I knew that I did not ultimately have control over her little life. I recognized that I’d need to rely on the One Who loves her far more than I ever could. The One Who knows what is best for her and has a perfect plan and purpose for every circumstance He brings into her life. The One Who also has a plan for all the mothers I have cried with and begged God to heal as they’ve experienced unimaginable loss. The One Who keeps the little hearts of the babies inside of us beating just as faithfully as the hearts of the children we have already borne. The One Who rejoices with us in our happiest moments and weeps with us in our time of loss.

I don’t pretend to have everything perfectly put together as a mother. There are so many things I wish I could do better! Yet I’ve learned to not live in regret of the past and allow the precious present to slip by. I seek to embrace even the most mundane moments of motherhood and take my anxious thoughts captive as I celebrate the beautiful, messy, wonderful life God has blessed me with. I try to soak in the pure joy on my daughter’s face as she plays silly games with her daddy in the evenings and to treasure each little flutter of my baby boy’s first kicks. Time passes so quickly, yet motherhood somehow just keeps getting richer. Getting to see my daughter’s personality develop and learning to know and love her every single day never loses its wonder. Hearing my baby’s heartbeat on ultrasound always takes my breath away. Watching a woman become a mother and cradle her baby for the first time never ceases to bring happy tears to my eyes.

I’ve learned that motherhood is not summed up in one emotion. It’s made up of all the longing, fear, regret, resolve, grief, sacrifice, humility and delight that I could have ever imagined! Being a mother is a precious calling, and I thank God that I don’t have to walk through it alone. Our Heavenly Father is always a prayer away, promising strength sufficient for our weakness, peace to calm our anxious hearts, faith to move mountains, patience to rest in Him, and rest for our often weary hearts. He places wonderful women in our lives to walk through the highs and lows of motherhood, sharing each other’s burdens and delighting in each other’s happiness. He brings a meaning to Mother’s Day that is so much deeper than the beautiful pink cards and bouquets of flowers.

To all mothers, in whatever stage of life you are walking through, I wish you the happiest Mother’s Day from the bottom of my heart! You are not alone. You are seen, and you are loved!! Here’s to another year of loving on all of our mothers and never taking them for granted.