There is a time to say it and a time to pray it. Just because something is true doesn’t mean it should be spoken. Goodness, this is a truth that has become FAR more rampant with the advent of social media and the ability to say exactly what we are thinking with a few clicks on our keyboards. Sometimes quiet is vital. Stillness is grace. Silence is wisdom.

Did you know that the average person speaks about 16,000 words per day? 60% of those words are spent talking about themselves. This goes up to 80% when they are on social media. Speech is something we engage in from the moment we enter the world! In fact, by the time a pregnant woman is seven or eight months along, even her unborn baby can recognize her voice. Speaking is a vital part of what it means to be human. It is how we relate, share emotions, process pain, and celebrate joy. It reveals what is in our hearts. Now I don’t know about you, but the fact that so much of our speech is centered on US is a little frightening. Why is that we spend the majority of our time on sharing how we are feeling, what we are doing, and what we are experiencing? There’s nothing wrong with opening our hearts up to each other, but speaking must ALWAYS be followed by listening. We can gain invaluable truths from the wisdom of a godly friend and counselor. We can learn to open up our eyes to the hurt around us and walk alongside our friends in the midst of their pain. Speech is an invaluable sense, but it is not the only sense we must use.

Somewhere we know that without silence words lose their meaning, that without listening speaking no longer heals, that without distance closeness cannot cure. –Henri Nouwen

There have been many moments in my life when I’ve been utterly at a loss for words. I know what is true, but all I can do is rest in the silence. There are times when the pain is too deep, the loss is too real, and the hope seems so far off.

The best example of this from the Bible is Job. At times his friends did speak the truth about God’s character and sovereignty, but was that REALLY what Job needed in the moment?! How differently would the story have played out if they had simply laid their hand on his aching shoulder and whispered a heartfelt prayer with him?! How would Job have responded to the tenderness of a quiet tongue and a listening ear?

The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing… not healing, not curing… that is a friend who cares. –Henri Nouwen

In Luke 6:45, Jesus tells us, “Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” I’ve often thought about this verse when I encounter a particularly difficult family at work. When people speak unkindly of me, it is not directed to me as a personal attack. It is the overflow of the pain, fear, and anxiety that are searing through their hearts.

Obviously frustration and fear never justifies lashing out in anger, but it gives ME a lot more perspective when I’m facing this anger. It encourages me to extend grace towards the hurt they are feeling. It allows me to counter negativity with kindness and humility. It motivates me to understand the heart issue that is behind their response to their pain. It’s unbelievable what a gentle response can do. The walls of anxiety and anger often crumble in the midst of grace.

A crushing diagnosis. An agonizing decision. A heartbreaking moment of realization. I’ve witnessed all of these. I’ve literally had parents on their knees before me, overcome with the emotions that are tearing through their hearts. In those moments, sometimes all I can do is blink back tears and rest with them in their pain. I could speak, but what in the world would I say?! What they are going through is real and unspeakable. There are moments too intense, pain too sharp and fear too real for words to mend. In these moments, the best thing I can possibly do is sit with them in their grief and just “be.” Sometimes all people need is to know that you are with them and that they are not facing this pain alone.

But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. –Isaiah 43:1

I’ve made it an intention of mine to call my patients by name. They are not simply a checklist I’m working through or a number on the wall outside their door. They are living, breathing, feeling, hurting, healing people. I want to treat them with the love, honor, and respect they deserve. Sometimes when a child is facing some scary and unknown procedure, you can see a sense of peace and calm come over them when you lay a gentle hand on their shoulder and say their name. Names are powerful!! They fundamentally represent who we are and what we have been called to. They keep us centered and help us feel known.

I remember when I was younger being frustrated and embarrassed when everyone around me would misspell or mispronounce my name. Yet as the years went by, I grew to cherish it!! “Siobhan” is Irish for “God is gracious.” My name serves as a constant reminder to me of my need to throw myself on the grace of God for everything I do. God’s grace in my life has been unfailing. In moments where I felt like I couldn’t take another step, His power has carried me through. His grace is sufficient and knows no bounds. What a precious reminder I have of this each and every day!! My parents prayed for this grace in my life before I was even born, and they knew that the moment I entered this world I would need a boundless supply of this grace. It’s this very truth that allows me to share this same grace with those around me. It’s this blessed assurance that gives me the ability to speak when words are called for and stay silent when they’re not needed. It’s this precious promise that lets me sit in the midst of people’s pain and shine with the hope that is not my own.

Give me strength and wisdom,

When others need my touch;

A soothing word to speak to them,

Their hearts yearn for so much.

Give me joy and laughter,

To lift a weary soul;

Pour in me compassion,

To make the broken whole.

Give me gentle, healing hands,

For those left in my care;

A blessing to those who need me,

This is a Nurse‘s prayer.